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Darren E
Joined: 04 May 2006
Posts: 2075
Location: Dagun, Qld
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 Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 3:11 am Post subject: Dam bureaucrats |
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This post has nothing at all to do with the Mary Valley Dam.
It's just that none of us has had much to laugh about in the last few weeks, and I thought it might be good to take 5 minutes off for a chuckle.
This email was sent to me by a friend this morning - I have no idea whether it's real or not.
| Quote: | This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania.
This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/orcontractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31,2006.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L.Price
District Representative and Water Management Division
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature's building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, ofthe Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the PublicActs of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is: aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live andenjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006?
The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
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Bronwyn
Joined: 07 May 2006
Posts: 691
Location: Noosaville
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 3:22 am Post subject: |
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TOO DAM FUNNY!! 
Dont ya just lurve the smell of home made humble pie....... we have some spare just for you PETE MATE!  |
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Darren E
Joined: 04 May 2006
Posts: 2075
Location: Dagun, Qld
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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More in the same context i.e. laughter is the best medicine.
| Quote: | In breaking news today, CSIRO scientist have announced a breakthrough. Combining revolutionary surgical techniques and genetic engineering, the scientists claim they could successfully perform brain-swap surgery between Peter Beattie and a lungfish as early as 2008.
Whilst this breakthrough has been widely acclaimed for the obvious increase in the average intelligence of the Queensland leadership, not everyone is for the move.
Spokesman for the lungfish, Prof. Wheezer, says “we haven’t spent 300 million years of evolution to revert to being bottom feeding scavengers”
In related news, Anna Bligh opened her mouth again today in a radio interview, claiming that the “new and improved” Queensland Health would soon be able to save the troubled State by upgrading all government minister’s brains to “vertebrate” or “lower primate” status.
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Darren E
Joined: 04 May 2006
Posts: 2075
Location: Dagun, Qld
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 2:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Further to previous news:
Mr Beattie has spoken out from his $20,000/night "Rex Hunt" Suite at the London Hilton, to say that Ms Blight had definitely exceeded her scope by speaking during his absence. Furthermore, "lower primate" status was almost certainly unachievable for his ministers in the immediate future. "vertebrate" status is "on the cards". |
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fightingcod
Joined: 11 May 2006
Posts: 115
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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More news from an unnamed scientific source has indicated that 'vertebrate' status may be difficult to achieve for this government - vertebrate animals have spines!
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Winning for the Valley! |
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savemary
Joined: 19 May 2006
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 1:05 am Post subject: |
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| Darren E wrote: | More in the same context i.e. laughter is the best medicine.
| Quote: | In breaking news today, CSIRO scientist have announced a breakthrough. Combining revolutionary surgical techniques and genetic engineering, the scientists claim they could successfully perform brain-swap surgery between Peter Beattie and a lungfish as early as 2008.
Whilst this breakthrough has been widely acclaimed for the obvious increase in the average intelligence of the Queensland leadership, not everyone is for the move.
Spokesman for the lungfish, Prof. Wheezer, says “we haven’t spent 300 million years of evolution to revert to being bottom feeding scavengers”
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BREAKING NEWS
CSIRO have realeased the first pictures of their breakthrough [see above]. Speculation is running rife about why they have grafted Beatties head onto a fishy body instead of the other way round. Our sources suggest it's because initial surgical and genetic suitability tests showed there was a lot more fishiness about Beattie than scientists initially realised. |
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Bronwyn
Joined: 07 May 2006
Posts: 691
Location: Noosaville
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 2:13 am Post subject: |
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Should this then be our new mascot?
Still |
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Darren E
Joined: 04 May 2006
Posts: 2075
Location: Dagun, Qld
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 2:19 am Post subject: |
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| We all know Beattie doesn't handle criticism too well. I wonder what he would think about this page... |
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Stephens
Joined: 05 May 2006
Posts: 86
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 2:42 am Post subject: |
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_________________
Anne Stephens
Mary Valley organic farmer |
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elaine
Joined: 04 May 2006
Posts: 483
Location: Dagun
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 4:04 am Post subject: Response to criticism |
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| Don't know what his response would be, Darren - perhapswe should have consulted with him first? |
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stormy
Joined: 07 May 2006
Posts: 249
Location: One of da stages!
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 4:08 am Post subject: |
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Now, thats funny!
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Peter beattie (big hat no cattle) A Bligh (big ar$e no *!*$) |
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fightingcod
Joined: 11 May 2006
Posts: 115
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 5:10 am Post subject: |
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I LOVE that pic of Bully Boy Beattie! Wonderful - o yes, MUST be the new mascot for sure!!!
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Winning for the Valley! |
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Rev Watt
Joined: 04 May 2006
Posts: 562
Location: Imbil
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| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 1:21 pm Post subject: |
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Surely this is no way to represent OFISHALDUMB.
But then he has been very offishus toward the Valley and surely the people of Brisbane won't accept his selfish outlook!
Just spotted this page - it is good to see this critically endangered political animal has been photographed for future reference.
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Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. John 4:13f |
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Darren E
Joined: 04 May 2006
Posts: 2075
Location: Dagun, Qld
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| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 2:11 pm Post subject: |
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Rev Watt,
OFISHALDUMB HaHaHa
Now that has got to be about the funniest thing I've ever read. Distilled the whole thing into one word! I love it. |
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westholme
Joined: 02 May 2006
Posts: 2628
Location: Amamoor
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| Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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The above picture would make a good screensaver/background. Maybe the SavetheMary site could have a small list of screensavers or backgrounds for people to put on their screens. This pic could be one. Wheezer another. A no dams one. A photo of the Valley with Mary must never be Dammed written across the bottom. There's a wildlife photographer offering his services for free, he may like to add to the list a couple of the photos he takes down at the river or of our native fauna/flora.
People could have the backgrounds on their computers for Uni, school, workplace. Complete strangers walking passed may stop and ask what they mean or refer to.
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